Thunderstorm Return of Thor

 

 Tunderstorm Return of Thor

 

 And by" the return of Thor, "what they meant was," Thor appears as a vague dream image but he's not actually in the movie

The main cast: Ray Bishara and Celine Fillion

Director: Brett Kelly

I am a long time comic book reader, going back 25 years or so. It was my first Marvel Comics, and while it took a while to get to Thor, I eventually did, and I've enjoyed the book for years. Admittedly, he was never my favorite character. I didn't even bother seeing the Hemsworth movie in theaters, eventually watching it on my phone, of all things. It was a good movie, though. But I've always been fascinated by these low-budget knock-offs of popular characters, so when I saw the adventures of thunderstorm: the return of Thor on Netflix, it was an immediate addition to My Queue

This is a decision I will regret for a long time

My god, this movie has no right to exist at all. I have seen "America's Funniest Home video" entries with a higher production value in them. This is a real piece of work

Firstly, he is Canadian. It's not that terrible. Canada gave us crowns and Sarah, so obviously great things can come out of Canada. But the acting in this movie was so bad, and this accent is so thick, I couldn't stop thinking about the hilarious Mystery Science Theater episode "the final sacrifice". Want to know what's worse? It would have been better to act this. The villain in the final sacrifice had nothing about the misery of Judy Hawk (Planet of blood), who plays the villain in this film. The villain is named Ivan

Maybe it's a Canadian thing? Maybe the bad guys in Canada are named after the nerd in your office

So in the adventures of thunderstorm: the return of Thor, there is a cult (another reminder of the final sacrifice) looking for pieces of an amulet called The Dragon cross. They find two pieces of it, and then ask for help from the goddess Hel who tells them where to find a third piece. Once all the pieces are merged, HEL will unleash the Midgard Serpent and Ragnarok will happen

Enter our hero, Grant (Ray Bishara, Planet of blood). Grant works in the research and development laboratory, developing a "battle suit" for the Canadian government. And the" battle suit " I mean a black body stocking with a rubber chest piece and a Black Iron Man mask. The battle suit directs the electricity it releases through a conductor that, oddly enough, looks a lot like the spray of a silver-plated foam hammer

One day, after waking up from an annoying nightmare, Grant goes outside to get some fresh air, as he has a vision of a bull. Look, the Asgardians can't go back to Earth (Midgard) without people's faith, and since the Canadians don't believe in Thor anymore, he has to find an Earth ship through which he can work. Fortunately, Grant is the last surviving relative of Thor. So he saturates Grant with his authority. The problem is that Grant is unable to control the power of lightning, so he has to wear a battle suit to keep it under control

And so the thunderstorm gave birth to the superhero, who, with the help of a brave policewoman named Glinda (Celine Fillion, the black bat rises), is fighting the cult before they can achieve the end of the world–Ragnarok

Now, as stupid as this summary sounds, trust me-nothing compared to the actual experience of watching this shit pile

Written and directed by Brett Kelly (who also doubles as Thor), with some help in the writing department from Trevor Bayer (black bat Rising), The Adventures of thunderstorm: the return of Thor appears to have been filmed on whatever equipment they use to shoot local commercials for hardware rental stores. And I think hardware stores have bigger budgets. In fact, it is quite obvious that the producers here spent the bulk of their money on the stupid chest piece/battle suit. On the bright side, she has no bat nipples

While I've never seen any other Brett Kelly movies, they have titles like she-Rex and Jurassic shark, so you know they must be full of awesome from start to finish. I will never know because after this movie I will not willingly watch another Brett Kelly movie. Actually, I'm not going to watch anything anyone who appeared in this movie is in. Better yet, I think I just need to take a break from Canadian movies completely now. At least for a while. This movie was that bad

I can't even narrow it down to one or two things that would make it better; it's just terrible all over. Acting, obviously, but the "effects" (when Grant's lab partner is shot, the effect is pulled out by drawing a little blood on the guy's shirt–it's not even made to look like a hole, just a little bright red spill) are laughable, and the fight choreography Look, if you can't be handsome, you might as well come in handy. And if your movie sounds like complete nonsense, the least you can do is try to be amused

I don't know what the hell Kelly is going on here, though. It's not entertainment, I can tell you that! And don't translate your movie "The Return of Thor" unless Thor has already returned. Throughout the film, I predict the appearance of the Norse god of thunder and save the day. Instead, I get the cheesy macduffus as the saddest superhero since Ralph Hinckley (Hello, lots of love, you, the crazy props of "the greatest American hero"!)

The beauty of something like Netflix is that you can watch a lot of movies that you will never be exposed to. The danger of such a Netflix thing is that sometimes a really really shitty and inconsistent movie can be made beautiful by an interesting poster and a misleading product description. The only upside is that I'm going to watch a lot of movies that are fun to watch

H Boyle, considering that Thor: Ragnarok came out this month, I thought I'm glad I'm reviewing this because it's the last superhero movie made by Tomcat films (or Summer Hill Entertainment since they've now got those movies) but I'm not happy because it turns out I'm stupid by forgetting that there's also another movie I didn't check out which is the return of the Black Knight. Uh, what can I say? I might be confused with the black bat rises but it's two different movies so yes, I'm stuck with the superhero cat Cinematic Universe for one more movie

I'll get to that sometime next year but for now, let me take a look at what may be the most shlocky, low-budget superhero movie I've seen so far. And really, this is to be expected since I've already watched the other movies but as much as the most amazing part is a work as weird as fuck and few others have their own sense of quality, this movie is cheap from start to finish and it's laughably bad. To find out how bad this movie is, it starts with five minutes of opening slogans and the slowest opening crawl with a narration that sounds like it was recorded in the bathroom

After the opening crawl that makes a person alone in the dark starts naturally, the movie then moves to Asgard it seems to be located in Aurora Borealis?!? Anyway, Odin (Jurgen Vollrath) and Thor (Brett Kelly) appear as floating heads talking to each other even though they seem to be talking to US audience. They explained that Ragnarok is coming and that the reason for this is a well-known group Dawei Raisa / death risers led by Ivan (Judy hawk) who tracks down three amulets to make up for the Dragon cross that brings Hel (Gabriel Mackenzie) to earth and be inferior to her counterpart in the movie the best Thor

Meanwhile, grant Farrell (Ray Bishara) and his friend Earl (Randy Kimmitt) are working on a government suit that is somewhat similar to the Dollar Store version of the War Machine suit with horns. Grant himself was struck by lightning by Thor because he is a current descendant of the God of thunder and decides to take the mantle as a hero. The new Thor (or thunderstorm for which the film should have been called thunderstorm: offspring of Thor or something like that) is trained by Earl with control over his powers and got noticed by Detective Glinda Bronski (Celine Fillion) in which she and Grant became "cop-friends" type duo defeating Hill, death risers and CGI dragons that look like James Nguyen secretly engaged in this

In terms of superhero origin stories, it's okay, but I felt like I was watching a loose origin of firestorm at one point and a loose origin of Iron Man on the other. Sure, it's a Thor movie and there are Norse legends involved. The acting is terrible but as good as Hill's down to the only character wearing a possible costume. Finally, the humor felt strong with Grant experimenting with his own superhero logo but it didn't work out

My opinion on this is if you want to see a mysterious bad superhero movie, this is up there but if you expect it, bad, good, expect it somewhere else so far I'm on one more superhero movie and then I would say I'm done with Tomcat movies but there are a bunch I want to look at that yeah, inevitably that one of these movies is worth watching and tracking